Here goes…..

Ive always wanted to write a blog, I always thought I would write one about travelling or fashion or maybe being a working mam. But here I am starting my very first blog and dedicating it to my first born….Enzo.

I have so much to talk about when it comes to this little whirlwind. Im hoping just one person might find some sort of comfort or feeling of not being alone from me doing this blog.

Ive been trying to find ways to say why I’ve started this blog but there really isn’t any other way to sugarcoat what we’ve been going through these past 2 years other than…

Enzo is on the autism spectrum

Enzo has autism or maybe

Enzo is autistic.

They all feature that big scary word that no parent wants to hear.

The word that feels like someone just reached in your chest and grabbed your heart and then stamped on it over and over again. Its a word that before all of this I had no idea what it even meant. I had heard it before but I had a very stereotypical picture of what autism actually ment.

It started with numerous hearing tests, doctors appointments and speech therapy sessions. We agreed to go down the official diagnosis procedure, after months of meetings and the big wigs having chats we got called back to discuss their findings.

When Enzos paediatrician said the word autism I couldn’t hear anything else that was coming out of her mouth, the word just repeated over and over in my head. We left her office with a pile of crappy black and white handouts that I still haven’t read to this day. We went home to see Enzo (after a few tears in the car park) he was still the little boy we left his morning but somehow absolutely everything had changed, our world flipped upside down.

He now had a label, a label I didn’t want him to have, a label I have thought about every single day for 2years. A label that scares the shit out of me, that causes me sleepless nights and causes me to randomly cry when I sit and think about his future or what school he will go to or will he get invited to party’s? Will he even understand what a party is?

At the minute I’m still in the “give me time to process and grieve for the life I thought I would have” stage but I know I will get over this slump and I will start to become an autism advocate. I will be stronger and become an absolute “take no shit warrior”

x